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E to the Mizzle

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[23 Sep 2007|08:32pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

Nobody uses livejournal anymore! I don't even bother to check it.

But right now--with the exception of AP Spanish--my life is so goooood!!!!! It's stressful but fantastic. Today there were presents on my doorstep, and the paper had a thing about my book drive.

This is seriously just straight-up procrastination.


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[17 Mar 2007|02:38pm]
I have so-oh-oh much to do, pero I find it all sort of enjoyable, in a stressful, let-me-check-this-off-my-list-so-I-feel-accomplished way.

Scholarship essays
Program apps
Test prep

I (have?) like(d?) a boy who has no interest in me. It's sort of annoying, especially because I have no good reason to like him whatsoever and I have convinced myself and all of my friends that I don't and maybe I really don't and I just want to like somebody so I start to think I do then convince myself I don't and then go hug some Asians because they adore me unlike this boy not that I care but it is sort of frustrating nonetheless. Ch-yeaah.

Last week, I experienced some of the worst family drama I have ever gone through, but I don't like to talk about that. Now things are good because there is inevitably the calm that follows the storm, but the ups and downs of home life are ohsovery cyclical so I know it'll happen again. For now I just bite my tongue and take my father's advice to the best of my ability. He says when my mother starts telling me he is the biggest asshole loser liar cheater monster she has known and wants me to agree with her, I should just be like, "Yeah, mom, you're right" rather than defending his ass, which inevitably leads to screaming and crying and shouting and cursing. It's hard. (THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!@!!) More annoying than the boy whom I like but I don't except maybe I just say I don't becaue I know nothing will ever happen and I don't have the time or the energy to be worrying about boyz anyhow.

I saw a really good French Canadian movie called C.R.A.Z.Y. the other day. It is about a homosexual boy with four macho brothers and a homophobic father growing up during the 1970s in a very religious family. It's extremely artsy but the story is pretty poignant and I love watching the evolution of style and music. If I ever have a gay son, I would be such a loving parent. I don't get people. Poor Jorge Carillo is currently in self-denial because his Catholic mother and father have it beaten into his head that being gay is a sin.

Okay, I'm going to go do something fun now. Both of my feet and my entire left thigh are asleep!
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Boo, you whore. [25 Feb 2007|01:36am]
[ mood | cranky ]

I never have enough time for anything!

I should hook up with the ever-eager Henry Ma, just to break up the monotony of my life.
Yikes, just kidding. Pathetic.

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[09 Feb 2007|06:27pm]
1) I had "one-sided eye sex" with Mr. Jones, to quote Ali Kaufman. I literally stared that man down/undressed him with my eyes as he left our chem class. I can't help it-- he is too cute! And smart! And funny!

2) I turned incredibly red while I gave the most awkward presentation of my life as my fellow group-member blatantly contradicted things I had already explained to Mrs. Pulido. I don't understand what it is; there is something about that class/that woman that intimidates me SO much. I don't get like that anywhere else except piano competitions. And I have a piano competition tomorrow, unfortunately, including for a concerto that I totally don't know, so I expect beet-redness there, as well. AGH. At least I am not like Vladamir Grancharov. If I say, "Hi,Vlad," when he's not expecting it, sometimes his whole face flushes.

3) I called Marisol afterschool and she happened to be in Mrs. Pulido's classroom and Dalia P. had Marisol act as a messenger in order to ask me questions about instructions she gave our English class. It was weird.

4) I read astrology books with Natasha and discovered "an unexpected relationship may be realized." Or something along those lines. If those books spoke the truth, they would really be like, "On February 10, Mercury will became retrograde and you will discover anything that claims to predict the future is false." Paradox?!

5) I resolved to stand up straighter and be more confident!

The end, I have to go practice for a trillion hours, gross. And then make a mix CD. And then go to bed early to wake up to go play piano for a bunch of uptight judges.
Oh, also I had a bite of the most delicious chocolate cake in the world today.
RIP Anna Nicole. And Natasha's cat :( And my fondness for Nick Katz.
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In preparation of Bush's speech... [10 Jan 2007|07:46pm]
"Greetings, Americans," does G. Dubya cry,
"I want more young soldiers to go off and die.
So be patriotic, support your fair nation,
Or you'll be like the gays, face eternal damnation;
Don't give me this crap about having no cause,
I want my presidency to be like my pa's,
To go out in the desert, to kill an Iraqi--
Hussein may be gone but those Arabs are wacky--
So tell your young children to forget about welfare,
There won't be no more money to pay for their health care.
Now if somebody liberal moves in next door,
Just raise your flags high and try to ignore
Their evil left ways, their immoral beliefs--
Think of protection, not of world peace.
So my fellow Americans, lay your conscience to rest--
Say farewell to the soldiers. Goodnight and God bless!"
3 commentsLeave a comment.

[07 Jan 2007|12:30am]
Here is what I think:
This is going to be a momentous year. I'm going to take the SATs, finish godawful junior year classes, have a bitchin' summer (yes, I used that word), be a senior, turn 17, apply for colleges, potentially get into college, get my license, get pregnant... what milestones!

Here is what else I think (in mildly-fragmented statements):
I like people who are smart. I wish I were taller...but I'd rather be smart than tall, if I had to choose between. In no way to imply that people must either be vertically- or mentally-impaired. I'm just saying. Also, I think boys are really silly. With phrasing like that, I sound like I'm about ten, but not a lot has changed since then except now it's about blow jobs, not holding hands. I'm exaggerating. Umm, what else. I just generally have a feeling that I'm going to grow up a lot this year and enjoy myself tremendously.

Aren't livejournals purportedly for teenage angst-driven prose? I don't have any right now, except for some mild frustration with my lack of assertiveness in certain situation, denial of facts that I might view as lucid if they concerned others and not myself, and general self-consciousness that is only to be expected, I suppose. I guess that means I have to up the maudlin melodrama factor of this by making up a hypothetical entry, as written by Miss Self-Righteous Teen USA.

fuk my mother that stupid bitch she yelled at me for fuckin having ppl over when she said not to . wtf she cant expect me to not have a lyf just cus she duznt have one. i cant fuckin stand her she just does w/e she can to make my lyf awful, she doesnt care about my feelings, she thinks im a teenage fukup. and omg mia is such a hoe omfg she totaly hooked up wit jared even tho she knos that i had acrush on him in 6th grade wtf. how did i ever call that bitch my friend. i hate everyone sometimes. i dont have any real friends. im gnna go watch the real world and listen to dashboard w/e peace out

Okay, enough.
Ewww, it's back to school on Monday. Tomorrow, I fully intend to have a fabulous last day of break.
Oh, and I really like the word 'sesquipedalian.' Anyone who reads this should look it up and learn it and then use it to describe themselves. Yes, please.
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[14 Dec 2006|03:35am]
[ mood | tired ]

I would really like for something exciting to happen to me. It doesn't have to be exciting, actually--I just want something new and different that's going to make me happy. I want my winter break to be great.

My day:
Went to bed at 2 last night, for one reason or another, so essentially sleep-walked out of the door in the morning. In multi- we spent 20 minutes each picking from a whole long list of ice cream flavors what personalized choice we would like Ms. McKinney to bring for us from Wall's. Because we really deserve it. Hah. I imitated Vladamir Grancharov's cool Bulgarian accent. I think I have it down pat. Salon said I should play Vlad's villainous wife in a chemistry video. I started a wave going throughout the chemistry classroom and even Mervin did it! (Casey Rudick did not. "Hands up in the sake of having a little fun? Completely ridiculous, I'm a wrestler and way too cool. I used to deal drugs. I give people dirty looks. Rock on." Oh, Casey.) I was informed by Adam Gordon that I am always smiling. True dat. I am basically a genuinely happy person, or at least I am easily entertained. (Sometimes my face hurts if I smile and laugh for a really long period of time. Freak? I can't help it. John Yetimoglu used to say I will have wrinkles by the time I'm twenty.) I had a discussion about modeling with Yvette, and Adam Gordon helped us define cute/pretty/beautiful/hot/sexy and provided examples. He rescinded his previous assertion that smart people can't be pretty. Karen Filipellis of the world, rejoice. Farroll<--what kind of spelling IS that?! "sang" and I laughed. Pedro Burg took me home in his little red Jetta. My neighbors employed my services. In a non-sexual way.

Okay, maybe I will have an adventure tomorrow. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

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[26 Oct 2006|03:06am]
I'm so tired of being tired.
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[30 Sep 2006|11:29pm]

So, I wish my life were as exciting as Elyse Sewell's and I went to castings and dated the drummer from the Shins and acerbically commented on the bad English translations featured on Hong Kong food labels, all with a wit sharper than my model-thin knees and elbows. But honestly, besides sleep-deprivation, a heavy workload, and a few Lifetime-TV-movie-worthy fights at home, there is really nothing new in my life. I wake up too early, struggle through the day, and am a total space-case by sixth period after exhausting any sort of meager attention span during fifth-period chemistry.

In TiP terms, Multi, as I was forewarned, is "completely ridiculous." There are four girls in the class, two of whom are perfectly Asian and perfectly silent. McKinney has the worst arm flab I have ever seen in my life. Seriously, at the risk of sounding like a Laguna Beach rich bitch, there is enough fatty tissue on her upper arms to cover all of Cher's plastic surgery. I spend most of my time in class gaping at her granny-panty lines and marvelling at the fact that someone can be teaching such a high-level math class and yet be so utterly, completely oblivious. The pent-up testosterone combined with a serious nerd factor in that class results in a rowdiness that isn't to be believed. Typical exchanges, to which McKinney remarkably remains unaware, include the following:

-Michael Rosenthal: "Yo, Vivek, stop acting like you're smart. We all know what you got on the SATs!" (Entire back corner laughs.)
-Vivek: "Shut up, man! I'm in this class, I'm smart, okay?"
-Brian Frank: "Hahahaha, Vivek, have you gotten one A in this class yet?!" (Vivek is silent.)
-Max Shill: "Hahahaha, Vivek, are you psyched for MDC?!"
-Peng Yu: "Hey, what are you guys talking about?" (Peng is a socially-challenged, if not mildly retarded, Asian boy shunned by the Asian community. Talk about a rarity!)
-Mervin Zhao: "Shut up, Peng."
-Peng: "What! I didn't say anything!"
-Mervin: "Shut up, Peng."
-McKinney: "Ummm. Now I think this vector will go through the z-axis...No..the y-axis. No..." (She starts drawing on the desks with Expo markers and gesticulating wildly, arm fat swinging, in an attempt to visualize planes and vectors. It sort of looks like a techno dance move. David Lee and I have creatively dubbed it, "The McKinney.")
-Michael: "Hey Peng, you're stupid. Did you really get an F on your last test?!"
-Peng: "Yes. Haha! Hey guys, I bet I'll get an A on the next test! You should eat shit!"
-Mervin: "Shut up, Peng!"

And so on...

So, I like my English class and I like talking with Nick Katz, I really like online conversations with David Dave Bloom, I like wearing dresses, I like it when I make Top List in chem, I like doing better on Multi tests than either Wei or Rui Yang (yahooooo! Although it pisses me off that they will be our valedictorian/salutatorian when I am quite a bit smarter than them, modesty aside.), I love Project Runway and Grey's Anatomy, I like mis amigas, and, though it pains me to admit it, I like the psuedo-nasty teasing banter I have going on with Bill Clayman. Except when he calls me a fatty. :(

I dislike how tired I am all the time, I dislike all my homework (and there really is way too much), I dislike being asked where I want to go to college because I am honestly so sick of that question and I honestly don't know, I dislike even more being asked what I want to do when I'm older because I have no fucking idea (lately my answer has been, "I want to be a bartender," just to get a rise out of people), I dislike going to the doctor and having blood taken and being told I have mild acid reflux, I hate family drama, and I hate how much work I have to do this weekend. Oh, and I also dislike being asked by various family members if I have a boyfriend/why I don't have a boyfriend/when I will have a boyfriend. Talk about awkward. And sidenote to Bill Clayman: my last entry was not a desperate complaint on that subject. I was merely trying to be funny. Obviously you don't have the sense of humor to appreciate it!

To tie this back to the beginning, I think I can say with both optimism and confidence that my life will be as exciting as Elyse Sewell's one day. In the meantime, I will end this with a quote by one Nick Katz: "Look, you teach me the secret to good grades, and I'll teach you how to do a killer backflip on a skateboard."
Now if this were a cheesy television game show, I would definitely have to say Deal.

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Personal [18 Sep 2006|08:50pm]
SWF ISO crunked-out SM 16-18YO. Must have SOH and love thumb-wars and rock-paper-scissors. Must drive B/C I don't. WLTM someone to keep up witty banter and watch artsy movies. I am a RAISIN. NJBs OK, but no ASSESWTF. No EDs.

A - Asian
ASSESWTF - Argumentative Shallow SOBS who Everyone Surprisingly Wants to Fuck
B - Black
BBW - Big Beautiful Woman
BI - Bi Sexual
BiF - Bi Sexual Woman
BiM - Bi Sexual Man
C - Christian
CD - Cross Dresser
D - Divorced
DDF - Drug/Disease Free
Dom - Dominant Male
Domme - Dominant Woman
ED - Eating Disorder
F - Female
FTA - Fun Travel Adventure
G - Gay
GSOH - Good Sense of Humor
H - Hispanic
HWP - Height Weight Proportional
ISO - In Search Of
J - Jewish
LD - Light Drinker
LDS - Latter Day Saints
LOL - Laugh Out Loud
LS - Light Smoker
LTR - Long Term Relationship
M - Male MM - Marriage Minded
MSM - Men Seeking Men
MSW - Men Seeking Women
NA - Native American
NBM - Never Been Married
ND - Non Drinker
NJB - Nice Jewish Boy
NS - Non Smoker
P - Professional
RAISIN - Russian Actress In Search of Intelligent Nice-guy
S - Single
SD - Social Drinker
SI - Similar Interests
SOH - Sense of Humor
TS - Transsexual
W - White
W/ - With
Wi - Widowed
WLTM - Would Like To Meet
W/O - With Out
WSM - Women Seeking Men
WSW - Women Seeking Women
YO - Years Old
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[21 Aug 2006|08:53pm]
I just danced around my room by myself for a good fifteen or twenty minutes. I was twirling and singing along and grinning and giggling and looking like an idiot, and oh my god, it was wonderful.
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[05 Aug 2006|01:07am]
Yeah, I'd say this epitomizes my TIP experience:

My birthday is in 15 days.
Perhaps a real update to come soon?
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[15 Apr 2006|01:37am]
I remember watching Scooby Doo episodes on Cartoon Network over at my neighbors' house when I was little. You know how in each episode, there are always some monsters running loose and mysterious things happening, but, in the end, Scooby and the gang end up pulling off the "monsters'" masks to reveal criminals or the mayor or someone playing a dirty trick, all dressed up in creepy costumes and makeup to make everyone believe they were really vampires or ghosts or werewolves? When I was little, regardless of how many episodes I'd seen, I always went into it thinking, ohmygosh, this time the monsters are real! What are they going to do? And I was a smart little kid. Like, really smart. And regardless, I was like Shaggy and I fell for it everytime. Then I always thought it was the coolest, neatest relief when the masks were finally pulled off and the bad guys were carted off in handcuffs by the all-business police officers.

The point I am making is that things don't really change. Regardless of how well I do in chemistry, or what math class I am in, or whether or not I score the highest on Euro, I am extremely naive and gullible. I make the same innocent little mistakes or lack perception in the same situations over and over. It's kind of nice, I think. Certain people bring it out in me. I enjoy laughing, including at myself. I enjoy making awkward, silly comments, just to get a rise out of people. This spring break has been so nice and surprising and cute. I feel like I take on the little sister role with some people, but I love it. I love it a lot. And I had a Diet Coke commercial moment, a real movie moment, and it made me smile more than that black kid I saw at school once with the flashing, fluorescent grill. And there is a nice, sweet boy who holds my hand and cuddles with me and kisses me and comes around and opens the passenger door before getting in the driver's seat. And I have nice, sweet friends who are all different and understanding and so, so, so smart in different ways.  And I'm drifting, drifting, drifting; I feel myself drifting from some people but all I can hope is that we will come full circle. But even if we don't, I know that you guys are having a great time and getting so close, and all I can do is be happy for you all; I'm so far past the point of jealousy or resentment or skepticism. I applaud you all and your lightheartedness and your perkiness and your wit and your closeness. And I am happy myself, I would say, genuinely happy, regardless of whether or not I have the photos to prove it.

This year is drawing so quickly to a close. The seniors will be gone so soon. I'm not the type to miss people; when I leave TIP, I'm not part of the group standing around sobbing on the steps. But I honestly think it's just going to be so strange next year. I'm--we're--getting so old. I went to UM to watch my dad's classes earlier in the week. It was the first time I've gone there and been treated genuinely as an equal. His sophomores are only two years older than some of the people I am closest to. I looked at them, and they no longer seemed like adults, eons older and wiser than myself. They asked me if I were a student; the guys looked at me; the girls made small talk. I walked to the food court, and no one gave me a second glance. I passed for one of them. I'm going to college soon-I'm going to be self-sufficient and independent. People like Dan and Lia and Hardy will be gone next year; to be self-sufficient and independent now, already, on their own.

Exactly a year ago (last Good Friday, or Bad Friday, as my mother coyly puts it, ever-seeking to bring up the subject of her failed marriage and "treacherous" husband) was when my mom found out about my dad. I'm proud of myself. I guess I don't talk much about what goes on at home, but as mediation is finished and divorce lawyers are met with and it all reaches a climax and tensions run high and my mother barricades the bathroom door and desperately searches for a scapegoat and my father tears up, worrying that he's fucked me up for good--I think I manage to stay strong and composed, logical and capable, defensive yet honest. And I'm sorry that so many other people have gone or will go through similar situations, but the way I see it, it's all material for our memoirs, right? (And we will only fabricate just a little bit, so Oprah doesn't get on our case.)

Prom is next weekend. I want to look pretty and have fun. I am a joyful girl.
("i do it for the joy it brings
because i'm a joyful girl
because the world owes me nothing
and we owe each other the world
i do it because it's the least i can do
i do it because i learned it from you
and i do it just because i want to
because i want to")

I don't think Ani Difranco is "angsty" at all; I think she is profound and articulate and poetic and amazing.
The school year will be done, probably, before I write another one of these. It flew by.
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[05 Feb 2006|08:24pm]
Gosh, sometimes I am just so happy.
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[30 Jan 2006|09:44pm]
Mofo. I'm all sent to make a return trip to school- homework done, classwork made up, blahblahblah. My fever's gone and has been replaced by a bad cough...

My mom takes my temperature and I'm back up to nearly 103 degrees. I suppose I will spend tomorrow in a waiting room with a bunch of whiny, screaming, sick little kids. :(

Make-up work is the worst thing in the world.
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